Rhys: Today we’re going to discuss Small Business Psychology, how we sabotage and more importantly enhance our paths to success, and to help us better interact with our co-workers and customers, to help us with that is Dr. Tara Fields, licensed Marriage and Family therapist, she was one of the original therapist on Annie’s “Intervention” and “Hoarders”, and most recently the host of “Fix my Family”, to cut to the chase, when were time at Psychology and Business, the way I look at it, we’re trying about you know working it off first on ourselves really, what we could for ourselves then working on the people that we work with, and then of course, our customers.

Tara: And that makes a lot of sense, because if you don’t have that self-awareness knowing who and what triggers you, you really can’t be present and do the best job and have the best connection with your customers

Rhys: Right so it all starts…

Tara: With you, absolutely

Rhys: There’s also the self-doubting, like somehow, not feeling you’re good enough, I remember for years, I felt, like I wasn’t experienced enough to do certain things

Tara: So many people that come across so self-confident actually do have that fear. “At some point I’m going to be found out,” “They’re going to find that I’m really not talented enough, or experienced or knowledgeable” “If I really get that job they’re going to find out, like holy Toledo, what were we thinking of?” So, that is a place to start. To really look at your beliefs about yourself, and where did those beliefs come from. The other thing that you can do is what we do with we as therapists are treating to depression and anxiety so many things and working on self-esteem, which is what we call cognitive behavioral therapy. And in a nutshell, what that is, is noticing yourself talk and then changing it because what you say to yourself will determine how you’re feeling. So, if you’re someone who’s always saying “oh my gosh, I’m going to fail, I’m not good enough,” it always turns out poorly and then the feelings follow and then your behavior follows, so start noticing the negative self-talk, challenge it, “Is that really true, am I really terrible?”

Rhys: I think the important thing for entrepreneurs is that in order to keep growing we have to take on challenges that we, haven’t done before.

Tara: Yeah. You know, you made me think of something else when you said, that is, that we assume that people is going to be against us, but really they want us to succeed, so even though you were saying, “Oh my gosh, I don’t really know all of these,” they want you to succeed, so they’re going to help you. And, and that’s the really wonderful thing, about really assuming that people are on your side, of course not ignoring the radar that says that person isn’t.
But people want you to win, they want you to be successful, they also want you to make them happy. They want your product, your service to turn out well.

Rhys: Especially if they’re your client and they’re paying you for it.

Tara: Right, but you also, there’s also one other thing that you said that is important, which is, “I will say to myself. I will say to, you know, patients. I will say to my husband”. If during the day or at least the week you don’t feel a little uncomfortable, or anxiety when you’re about to do something, stretch yourself, then you’re not putting yourself in a position where you can grow. So if your goal is, I just want to be really comfortable all the time, odds are you’re not going to get on that path that could take you higher and to achieve those goals that you really have in your heart.

Rhys: So this brings us to another thing, which I guess is a part to like, towards the self-awareness thing. I mean, how do you know when you’re being too soft, and too lenient? Then there’s these people where they’re treating their employees, you know like, Kings and they’re actually the biggest hard-asses to work for in the world.

Tara: Right.

Rhys: So how do you know where you stand?

Tara: Well to start with, are you being too soft? The first reality check, are things just running amuck? You know, are people disrespecting you? You know, is it more like a playground than a place of business? And, they’ve kind of assumed you’re not going to do much about it. Then that’s the time to be extreme. But if, again you’re a good person you could say, “Here’s what I want, here are my expectations, and I also always want to know that I am being assertive when i talk to you as opposed to being aggressive.” There are three places on a spectrum where you could be, the one end of this spectrum is when you say am I being too soft? Am I giving myself up? Am i being a door mat?” The other extreme is being aggressive where you’re just going after what you want but you don’t give that person the sense that there’s a human being there, and that you are taking their feelings into account as well as yours that is what being assertive is. You’re very clear that you have a right to say what you want, to have the expectations you do, but you always treat the other person like a human being and you conveyed that at all times.

Rhys: Click the link below to see the full length interview with Tara Fields, where she discusses among other things; managing personality in the workplace, motivation, and “…probably the biggest thing that comes to mind right away when you think of Psychology: Self-Sabotage.”

Tara: Yeah, absolutely.
So this, you know, how do you know if you’re doing it, that’s the thing?